Good morning John,

I also forgive you for this response to a genuine act of love.

As to the question regarding a medal sent to Sussanna; The next time I saw her after receiving it, I attempted to give it to her. However, she refused to accept it. I asked her for permission to open it and see if there was anything in it that I thought might be of interest or value for her. Her response was that I had that permission, but she really didn't want to know the contents.

I'm truly sorry to have to convey that to you. It's not at all enjoyable to have to add to your pain. I have no interest in being harsh or vindictive. To make that more clear to you I'll tell you this fairly recent conversation with Dorothy-Jane.

I told her that I had been watching a series online about a guy who makes his living out of finding people for people who have been searching without success. Many of these are people who feel they have been abandoned by a father or mother who vanished when the "searchers" were young. I went on to explain that when these people who thought they were abandoned finally make contact with their missing parent, they sometimes find that the missing parent had made attempts to contact them but without success. I told her that the children who thought they were ignored by the missing parent were generally drawn toward the "missing" parent and at least somewhat upset with the parent who thought he/she was protecting them from the missing parent.

When I had finished, Dorothy-Jane made it clear that she has always made it clear to your children that you have tried to contact them on a regular basis. The problem is that when they did take your calls, they would get off the phone with a feeling that you had not been interested in their lives but rather that you were chewing them out for not doing or being this or that. For instance, they would tell you something about what's happening at school, and you would come back with a tirade about why they shouldn't be in school. The only school you would support was a homeschool.

That's just one example of many. She said that she found it too hard to get them to accept your calls and basically gave up and told them that if they ever wanted to call you or hear from you that they are free to do so. It's my understanding that one or two of them have, in fact, made contact with you only to be disappointed with your responses to them.

It grieves me to pass this info on to you. I don't want to pour salt into your wounds, but you deserve to know the truth, and now you have it. You have no idea how much I would love to see you parent your children as they should be parented. I would love to see your family completely healed and restored. But, John, until you can interact with them in a godly manner - as Jesus, Himself, I really don't see that happening.

If only you could bring yourself to stop playing the martyr and start receiving loving rebuke; until you can come to your family with a broken and contrite heart, I don't see any chance of reconciliation.

I'm truly sorry for having to write this to you. It breaks my heart for all who are concerned to write this just as it broke Paul's heart to have to write his first letter to the Corinthian church. Please believe me. This is true. I have no pleasure in writing all this to you this morning, but I believe it's my responsibility to write the truth and hope and pray that the Holy Spirit would use my words to start a heart change in you. I'm NOT down on you. I want to see you become the man of God that I still believe you want to be.

Others have lost all hope for that. I'm writing this with a prayer on my lips. Lord, I still believe. Help my unbelief!"

Jim