Dear John,

What follows includes among other things thoughts that I've written and deleted, written and changed, written and set aside over these last many months, but it seems I have no choice but to send this to you in total:

When you send child support payments and any other money, I use it for the care of our children and to provide not just a house but a home for them to live in, and I am grateful. Other communication from you--aside from your sharing with me about Liz--has generally shown an attitude in you that is frustrating to me, if not offensive.  Dad often reads directly from what you have written. When I am not angry with you, I have compassion for you. I am sad you find yourself in your current life-situation with so much loss, but I do not take responsibility for it. Dad is not responsible for it. And when you try to make the consequences of your decisions someone else's fault, it wearies me more than I have been able to express. Though I do NOT wish you dead, I would feel a sense of relief for you if you were in the presence of our Most Beloved instead of walking through life in the flesh. So I am NOT hopeful for your death, but my thoughts about your mild heart attack were along the lines of, "May God's will be done." I choose to trust His good purpose for me no matter His choice for you.

BTW, I met with you on October 11 and told you AGAIN why I had come to a place of realizing that I had no other choice as a protective mother than to separate myself (ourselves) from you. I listened to you and did my best to get us past some points of confusion in your mind. But as hopefully you can recall, your responses--because of your attitude--wearied me beyond being able to persevere with you any longer. When I hugged you and told you good-bye, I had an attitude of contentment, even if I never saw you again. My life is very full of responsibility even without adding the weight of responding to you. I told you good-bye on October 11. And though I have been willing to interact with you some over these last months, I don't see that it had done anything positive. When I wrote to you a couple of Sundays ago to explain AGAIN about how I feel about you and what I chose to separate us from, it was an effort to RESPOND to you. I was not trying to open a discussion with you. I do not have time, energy or desire to respond repeatedly to your accusations that demonstrate your continuing confusion. I/WE ARE LISTENING. Please understand that I do not intend to talk with you further, except as is necessary to carry on the business of our separation--answering your questions about taxes.... And perhaps next year we won't even have to do that.

I appreciated your birthday card's lack of comment. The  Valentine's Day card was frustrating. I'm sorry that I don't have time to comment further on that, but as my previous communication with you has generally seemed to be fruitless, I'm content to just move on.

I am still your wife and infrequently I believe you actually demonstrate your love for me (You know I wrote to you with the three examples I've seen over these last seven months.), but too frequently you tear down so much more than you've built back up.

Please trust my dad to continue to communicate with me from you and please understand that for VERY many reasons I am beyond being able to respond. I HAVE TRIED!!

I did hug you good-bye, and I don't see anything that should have made that change.

DJK

PS I have realized that I need to ask Dad not to pass on to me what you're writing. It is just too wearying, and I need to save my finite energies for raising our invaluable children. (I know you would verbally agree with me about their worth!) Please do not add any relational verbage to future cards or necessary emails about our on-going business relationship because of our continuing civil ties. I hear that you believe that Dad's presence between us is preventing you from getting us back together, but he is not the problem. In fact, his presence has kept us MORE connected--though as I have said, I believe I need to ask him not to share with me further concerning what you have to say. I'll trust him to forego that request if he believes that something needs to be told to me. - Good-bye, again, John. I do not have the strength to continue to endure your badgering. DJK